Quitting social media showed me what I was missing

Back then, social media was just a place to share random thoughts about Ho Chi Minh City's rain or joke with friends. Yahoo Messenger and SMS were still our main ways of staying in touch. Going online was a quick check-in, seeing what my friends were up to or who was dating whom.

Fifteen years later, that same platform had transformed into an endless loop of breaking news and short videos, pulling me in deeper than I ever expected.

A person holds a phone with social media apps on it. Illustration photo by Pexels

I became obsessed. Even while living abroad, friends in Vietnam messaged me, asking about the latest drama as if I were their personal news feed. I felt uncomfortable if my phone was not within reach. What started as a few minutes of scrolling for fun turned into doomscrolling, 2.5 hours a day, every day, for 15 years.

That's 10,000 hours lost in a never-ending flood of random online information.

Malcolm Gladwell, a Canadian journalist and writer, once said that 10,000 hours of practice can make someone a master of a skill, any skill. I could have mastered the piano or a new language in that time. Instead, I spent it scrolling and commenting on Facebook.

And for what? I could not even say what I had gained. That's when I decided to quit. I turned off notifications and deactivated my account. My digital detox had begun.

At first, I wondered how long I could last without social media. The first few days were rough. My hands twitched out of habit, unlocking my phone, swiping my thumb across the screen, hovering over a now-empty spot, only to stop dead in my tracks.

The app was gone, but my muscle memory remained. I kept reaching for my phone, only to remember there was nothing to check - no friend updates, food reviews, sneaker drops, travel photos, or entertainment news. The silence felt eerie and unfamiliar.

But as the days passed, something changed. I stopped reflexively unlocking my phone. I no longer clicked on random content links that would waste my time. The need for likes, shares, and reactions disappeared. And I realized just how much energy I had poured into these meaningless numbers.

Suddenly, I began noticing things I had ignored for years, the sleepy cat at my favorite café, the way the sky turned gold and purple in the evening, the sound of wind in the trees. Instead of snapping photos to post, I just watched. Time felt slower, calmer. I finished a book without stopping, wrote an article without being distracted, and had long, phone-free conversations over dinner.

Social media had kept me from enjoying life’s small, beautiful moments. Without it, I saw the world with fresh eyes, without a screen in the way.

As of June 2023, nearly 80% of internet users in Vietnam were on social media, spending an average of three hours daily. Nearly half of young people aged 18–34 admitted they checked their phones first thing in the morning and right before bed every day.

Studies show that reducing social media use is not just about breaking a habit, it directly improves well-being. A small study of 143 American college students found that their emotional well-being improved significantly after just three weeks of reduced social media use. Without the pressure of "likes" and "shares," the students felt calmer. Another study published by the BBC found that staring at your phone for 30 minutes before bed affects sleep quality by lowering melatonin levels and fueling negative thoughts.

I’m still figuring out how to balance my online and offline life. Managing my time on social media feels like wiping dust off a window, slowly revealing what is truly important to me. I haven’t deleted my social media apps, and I do not deny their benefits, but I am learning to use them as a tool rather than letting them control me.

Social media has changed how people communicate and how the world works. However, I refuse to be a product of the "attention economy", a system where companies profit from our engagement with content. Platforms use AI to track behavior, personalize content, and keep users scrolling, maximizing ad revenue at the cost of our time.

Jaron Lanier, a leading computer scientist and digital theorist, warned that we must "reclaim our attention" in the digital era. He urged people to take control - choose what information they consume, turn off news recommendations, manage notifications, avoid misinformation, and set screen-time limits.

As I learn to do just that, I am beginning to see the real world more clearly - the one that exists beyond the screen.

*Trinh Phuong Quan is an architect.