Who’s in the wrong, me or my wife?

By Manh Duc   May 29, 2023 | 06:32 pm PT
I’ve been living abroad since I was young, and I am really hoping to take my wife to live with me abroad but things have been a struggle of late. She seems completely incapable of holding down a job.

At her first company, she complained that the management and her colleagues were always shouting at their subordinates for no reason, so she quit.

Her second company was a metal-welding factory, which she said was overheated, with no air-conditioning or fans. Every time I video-called, her face and hands were covered in black dust. She had to constantly be on her feet for 12 hours a day, which left her in pain and unable to sleep. She quit after a month.

In her third job, she told me that the mentor that the company assigned to her always found an excuse to not teach her. She filed a complaint to management, but the situation got worse. She would sit all day at work without being assigned a single task. She said she felt bullied and put under pressure and colleagues didn’t bother to help her.

Yesterday, she decided to skip because she was under so much pressure. I told her that just randomly skipping work was not a great idea, and she said she was considering switching to another company.

I told her that she was being lazy, jumping from one company to another, and that that she always blamed others and never tried to adapt. I pointed out that it would be an even bigger struggle for her when she moves abroad.

She responded saying that I was being inconsiderate, and that she had no motivation to work as she constantly had to use her own money to support her family, and can’t spend much on herself. She pointed out that she has to work long night shifts and has little sleep, so she wants to take a break to take care of her health.

I was planning to visit her this June but she told me not to because she has run out of money. My wife has always paid for my visa application, accommodation, food, and traveling expenses whenever I visit Vietnam.

After hearing her say she didn’t want to work, I told her it would be best for her to just stay home, and I would do the same.

She told me I had no right to speak to her like that because I had never been able to support her financially, not even for one day.

She went on to say that my mom believes she is a scammer, only out for foreign citizenship

She then cried and said that she had to spend a lot of time and money on the immigration process. She said she couldn’t imagine how I would treat her if she ever went with me abroad. Then she hung up and blocked me.

The whole thing is a disaster. I don’t know which one of us is in the wrong. Hope you can give me advice.

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