My wife is too immature

By Thanh   February 2, 2023 | 11:11 pm PT
I am 30 years old and my wife is 25. Both of us grew up in the countryside and we are now living in a city. We dated for five and a half years before getting married.

When we were first getting to know each other, I understood her character flaws. However, we still got married since I loved her, and I did not want her to waste the years she spent with me since her youth. I thought she would gradually change for both of us. However, after two and a half years of marriage, she is still the same.

Even though my wife’s family is not rich, she is not reasonable at all in spending money. She loves shopping and is not fond of hard work. From the time we got to know each other until we got married, we argued about eating habits. She was an only child in her family, and so she was spoiled by her parents and kept doing things based on her hobbies, including eating and work.

For example, she only eats meat and seafood but avoids fish and vegetables. Though I talked with her a lot about this, she rarely changes. She complains that fish is too fishy and vegetables are too bitter. I told her that if she tries she’ll be able to get used to eating these things, but she doesn’t seem to agree.

I work in the healthcare sector so I understand the benefits of clean and nutritious meals for our health. She disagrees. For each meal, she only eats a little bit. Her body is thin and small. When I bring her for a health checkup, it turns out she lacks nutrition.

However, every time I bring this matter up, she gets angry, and defensive and refuses to change anything. She is quite lazy, and not good at or fond of cooking. She prefers eating out rather than cooking. She keeps checking online for good meals outside and asks me to take her out. The food in restaurants that she wants is not only pricy but also not as good as home-cooked food.

Many times I suggest that she should save money. For example, our parents back home send us clean food from the countryside, and I tell her that we should cook that so we can save more money and have better health, and save more money.

My monthly salary is about VND20 million ($853) per month, while she only earns a few million dong each month in her job in a state-owned company. With our combined income, we don’t have too much to spare though both I and my parents have saved enough money to buy a mid-range condo in the future. I do love my wife, however, I usually buy what she wants and bring her to restaurants that she likes, as long as the prices are reasonable. Plus, since her friends are well-off, I don’t want her to live a life with a lower living standard.

Of course, trying to make my wife more healthy and prettier also makes me happier. However, as time goes by I can see that she is lazy and selfish. Her demands have become more and more unreasonable. If I oppose them, she would say that I don’t love her or care about her. We argue a lot about the way she eats, cooks, and spends money, but then things go back to normal.

I am writing here so I can express my concerns. Thank you so much for listening to me.

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