My husband owes a much bigger debt than I thought

By Ngan Anh   April 13, 2023 | 08:08 pm PT
My husband and I have been married for six months. He likes to indulge himself, has no opinion of his own and is easily influenced by his friends. And so I’m the one that takes care of our finances.

My husband is an honest man and his income is enough to take care of himself if he were single. He helps me with household chores and he’s not patriarchal. We combine our incomes and I pay for the electricity, water, and food and manage to put aside some money.

I thought our life was fine and we were planning to have our first child, but I found out recently that my husband owes VND40 million ($1,705) in credit card debt. He said the debt was incurred before our wedding due to overspending and traveling with his friends.

I should add that after we got married, I helped him pay off VND20 million ($853) that he owed for the same reasons. He promised my parents that this would not happen again but it turns out that he has been lying to me all this time. I feel extremely disappointed and frustrated. I have lost faith in my husband.

I did not bother to find out if my husband had any other debt and went straight to my mother-in-law to discuss it with her. When I suggested that we should live apart for some time so he could use his own salary to pay off his debt, my husband disagreed and called everyone he knew, screaming and crying like he’s the victim.

I just wanted us to save as much money as possible to pay off his debt as soon as we can, and I also wanted to teach him the consequences of incurring such a large amount of debt. My company is pretty far from my mother-in-law’s house so I wanted him to stay at his mother’s place for a while.

As for me, I would cut down on my living expenses and save money to help him with his debt, even though I did not want us to live separately.

After seeing my husband in so much pain, my mother-in-law shifted the blame on me, saying that I was out of line for threatening her son like that.

Now I don’t even want to look at my husband’s face anymore and feel stuck in this marriage. I have no idea how much money my husband is going to owe in the future if I keep making exceptions for him.

Hope you can share some advice.

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