I’m torn as my supervisor keeps asking if I want an affair with him

By Khanh An   July 24, 2023 | 04:00 pm PT
I’m 38, head of a department at a foreign company. People say I’m good-looking and appear younger than my age.

I consider myself a strong determined woman who hates extramarital affairs. But now I think I’m becoming the type of person I hate the most.

My supervisor is a foreigner, eight years older than me. He looks young, is open-minded, and very talented. We have been working together for three years and he is about to leave Vietnam to return to his home country.

Both he and I are already married. My husband is not romantic, but takes good care of our family. We have a son and a daughter. My supervisor has a daughter too, I met her and saw how he adored her.

We have been through a lot over the three-years we worked together. I got scolded by him to the point I burst into tears several times, but I always considered him a mentor, brother, and coworker who has taught me a lot.

I became more mature and experienced after working with him. I admire and respect him.

He started saying he had feelings for me, jokingly, a while ago. I thought he was just kidding at first, so I didn’t care too much, until he took me home after a party with our coworkers six months ago.

He touched, hugged, and kissed me, and said he wanted to have sex with me. He confessed that he started having feelings for me a long time ago.

I refused, and fortunately he didn’t cross the line.

We maintained our relationship as coworkers after that night, but honestly speaking, our relationship was no longer innocent.

He showed greater care and was even biased in his work towards me. My admiration and respect gradually turned into romantic feelings. But I kept it a secret, since I knew the situation was morally wrong.

He has suggested having an affair with him many times, which I have always turned down. But I honestly feel confused. I don’t want to allow our feelings to hurt our families, but I don’t want to regret not following my heart and being with him in the future either.

He has lately been asking me to meet him personally, even just once, before he returns to his home country. I know if I agree, it will be hard for us to not cross the line. So I will probably turn him down. But I’m still confused.

Can you give me some comfort, so I can feel more relieved and less confused?

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