I want to sponsor my mistress and our child to the US

By Hoai   December 28, 2022 | 08:29 pm PT
I am 46 and my wife is 40 years old. We immigrated to the U.S. nearly 20 years ago. But now I’m having trouble taking care of my mistress and the child I have with her.

I met my wife when we first moved to the U.S. We now have two children, the oldest is in grade 10 and the youngest in grade 6. Our marriage so far has been generally quite peaceful.

I am a worker and get paid pretty well, and my wife owns a busy hair salon. I don't have any bad habits other than being short-tempered. Every time I get angry, I curse and shout at my wife and children. My wife has to interact with many customers, so she is very smart and cheerful.

Five years ago, I went back to Vietnam alone for about a month. In the summer my wife was extra busy with the hair salon, so she couldn't come back with me. I was drinking with some old friends when I first met my mistress. She is the younger sister of a friend in the group, recently divorced, and has no children.

According to her brother, her husband was abusive and constantly gambling, so they got a divorce. She was working as a garment worker and living on her own. I found her very lovely. She was 30 years old but looked as young as 23.

She talked so sweetly that I couldn’t help staring at her the entire time. My friends kept teasing me that my wife in America was going to be jealous. I hit back at them, saying that my wife is afraid of me, so she wouldn’t dare get jealous.

During the entire time I was in Vietnam, because I didn’t have my wife with me and I wanted to be adventurous, I tried flirting with this woman. Surprisingly, she did not reject my advances, saying she was lonely so she wanted someone to confide in. We were together for the remaining weeks. When I was with her, I felt 20 years younger, and my life felt like heaven.

After I returned to America, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. That was when I realized I had developed feelings for her. Although she didn’t demand anything from me, I sent her money each month. The next year I returned to Vietnam alone and stayed with her. Unfortunately, this time, she got pregnant.

I was confused and had no idea what to do. I just encouraged her to eat well and stay healthy. I still sent her money regularly and promised to find a way to sponsor her to the U.S. However, to sponsor her, I would have to divorce my wife.

Then Covid hit, so I asked her to wait for me. Last year, she lost patience, saying she would stop waiting for me and meet someone else. I was afraid of losing her, so I promised I would quickly solve my family matters in the U.S.

I don't want to lose her and my unborn child, but I honestly don't want to lose my family in America either. My wife did nothing wrong, she took good care of the children and her in-laws, and everyone was full of nothing but praise for her.

I couldn’t eat or sleep for several months; I truly didn't know what to do. I finally confessed everything to my wife. She fainted on the spot. When she woke up, she cried and said some harsh words, and our family life became chaos. I thought things over and finally decided to come up with a proper solution for my wife.

My wife and I temporarily divorced, then I went back to Vietnam to sponsor my mistress and child to America. Later on, my wife and I did not remarry on paper but I still lived with her and my children like before. I rented a place nearby for my mistress and our child so I could take care of them.

My wife disagreed and hired a lawyer to divide our property. I begged my wife to think about our children but she still refused. She even threatened to sue me for violating the state's marriage laws. I am currently extremely confused, my wife and her lawyer have filed a petition for divorce, citing my affair as the reason.

What should I do to appease my wife?

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