Am I wrong for not wanting to adopt my wife’s nephew?

By Van Manh   July 19, 2023 | 03:00 pm PT
My father-in-law wants my wife and me to adopt my wife’s nephew, which she agreed to without asking me in advance. I am mad, so I turned them down.

We have been married for 15 years and have had three children. We have our own house, our own car, and our own company, though its business performance is not outstanding and just enough for us to afford our living expenses.

Still, I think we have a stable life, and was shocked when my wife told me that we should adopt her nephew, the son of my brother-in-law.

My brother-in-law has been pampered since he was young, so he did not focus on his studying, just hanging around instead. He and his wife have a son.

His wife was diagnosed with some mental issues, but as I observe, she has no problems enjoying her life, wearing expensive clothes, and gambling. The couple has gotten into debt sometimes, which they could not pay and my father-in-law had to pay instead.

But then they got into fights and my brother-in-law’s wife brought their son, who is now four years old, to the south a year ago.

My father-in-law asked her to give him custody of her son recently, and she agreed. If he raised him, there would have been no problems. But then my wife suddenly informed me that she wanted us to raise him.

I told her that I needed some time to consider, as I believe we should only raise him if we could bear the responsibilities and give him affection.

But I did not even give my final decision and my wife enrolled the boy in a school. The thing is my father-in-law has not said anything to me, it has been just him and my wife discussing together and deciding everything.

I was furious at this, so I told my wife: "If your brother cannot raise his own son, then your sister-in-law should."

If my wife’s nephew was an orphan or was abandoned by his mother, I would not hesitate to adopt him. But as his parents are both alive, I think if my brother-in-law cannot raise his own son, at least his wife should.

My wife and I have been arguing ever since. Am I in the wrong?

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