Am I asking too much from my wife?

By Dung    January 21, 2023 | 03:00 pm PT
I am 42 years old, come from Central Vietnam, and I work in a state-owned company. My wife, 36, is from southern Vietnam and works for a foreign company.

I and my wife have two children, two and eight years old. My monthly income is VND20 million ($853) and my wife's monthly income is VND70 million. We live and work in a big city. Thanks to consistent hard work and saving habits, we were able to buy a house and have some assets.

My wife is a kind person and quite diligent in her work. She is also a frugal person who knows how to save money. However, she is not good at housework and not tactful in dealing with family members. Before we had a helper, I always went home early to pick up our children from school and cook dinner.

My wife came home later, only washed the dishes and hung out with the kids. On weekends or days that I had to work overtime, she only cooked very simple meals and sometimes cleaned the house. I had to often remind her about housework or caring for our children.

Every time I her, she always said she was already too stressed about work and only wanted to relax when she came home. She said she would clean the house when it was dirty, and that it was okay to eat out sometimes. She and I often argue about this.

When I get home from work, all I wanted was a few nice meals and a tidy home. Is that asking too much? I observe that many other women shop for their groceries, prepare their meals after work, or experiment with new recipes on the weekends. After work, their men can enjoy a beer with friends while being looked after by their wives.

I merely want to remind her to get better. My wife, though, complains that I talk too much and wear her out. To help with the kids and housework, we are now employing a helper. She got even more careless when we had the helper. I'm disappointed since she doesn't change despite my repeated reminders. Our relationship has become stressful because of this.

Moreover, my wife is quite dependent on others. When she gave birth to our first child, her mother took care of our baby in the first month. When our child was 3 months old, my mom took care of our child so my wife could go to work.

She came back home quite early from work so she had time to buy groceries, clean, and make milk for our child, while I played with our child. However, she complained that she was exhausted and asked to buy a washing machine (we were very frugal at the time since we were renting a room). I find it normal for women to go to work, cook, do laundry, and stay up at night to look after children. All women are like that, it's not that she is any different.

When my wife gave birth to the second child by cesarean section, due to Covid, I was the only one who stayed in the hospital to take care of them. I was quite clumsy so I didn't dare hold our child. My wife just sat on the bed and gave our child a milk bottle. In the evening, we took turns caring for our child.

Other women can wash their children or can go out and buy personal stuff, but I had to do those things for my wife. On the day she was discharged from the hospital, I told her to go down to the pharmacy to buy medicine, but she refused, waiting for me to go get it.

Overall, my wife spends most of her time with her family, but she is quite lazy at housework. Meanwhile, I hang out about twice a week with my friends. She rarely complains about me, and only argues when I remind her about housework.

What should I do to make her improve, dear readers? Am I asking too much from my wife?

go to top