Singles seek partners at new dating event instead of apps

Thanh Nam, 31, who is in a vest, observes that most women are dressed in elegant "qipao." The dim light gives the place the look of a theater, and adds warmth and a touch of nostalgia. The evening starts with a chime, signaling the start of the matchmaking session.

They include conversation starters such as "When was the last time you surprised someone?", "Who brings you the most joy?" and "What's the best way for someone to show they care?" These help break the ice, setting off genuine stories and connections between strangers.

After 30 minutes a second bell rings, a signal that the participants have to switch tables to meet other people. The highlight of the evening is when red envelopes, each with the name of a matched couple, are handed out.

The hosts reveal that these one-on-one pairings are based on earlier personality tests. At the count of three, everyone opens their envelopes simultaneously. "My heart raced as I opened the envelope, curious to see who my match was," Nam says.

A matchmaking session for singles at a bar in Hanoi’s Old Quarter on November 22, 2024. Photo provided by Clique83’s founders

The concept was co-created by two single women, Thuy Doanova, 31, and Han Lam, 32. Since its launch in September, they have hosted 10 events in HCMC and Hanoi, attracting over 300 participants.

The registration fee for the events starts at VND1 million (USD$39.3). Each session offers an exclusive theme and setting, providing participants memorable experiences.

Thuy, who grew up in Europe and worked for a tech giant, first met Han, an entrepreneur of Chinese descent running a frozen dessert startup in HCMC Chi Minh City, at a program for startup companies a year ago.

Han had struggled to connect with men. She says: "Work and responsibilities left me with little time for dating. Even when I met someone, I was not sure if they were single or open to a relationship."

Thuy faced similar struggles. After years of working in the tech industry in Europe, she desires genuine human connections, believing that technology has widened the emotional gap between people.

"Technology helps bridge the gap between people living far apart, but also distances us from those right beside us," she says.

According to the General Statistics Office, there are around 20 million single people in the country. Recent studies reveal that many of them are growing weary of dating apps and are eager to make real-life connections.

Thuy and Han cater to single people aged 27–42, a time when they worry about career development and have a fair understanding of themselves.

"We created this dating service with ourselves in mind," Thuy says.

"For our generation, the goal of finding a partner goes beyond marriage. It is about seeking someone who resonates with us in many aspects of life."

Through in-person dating, the duo hope to break the stereotype that being single means being " alone forever."

"Dating these days is not about pressure. It is a journey where each person can better understand themselves and those around them," Han says.

A dating event held in a restaurant in District 3, HCMC, in September, 2024. Photo provided by Clique83’s founders

To focus on developing the dating service, the two set aside all their personal projects. By late August they secured a business license, and their first dating event a month later brought together 30 singles in an intimate outdoor area in Thu Thiem Ward, HCMC.

They noticed right away some unique features of the local dating scene: Men often feel pressured to showcase what they "bring to the table" while women expect men to take the initiative. Many also found engaging in an event surrounded by strangers awkward.

Thuy admits understanding a stranger during the first meeting is often tricky, and thus the deck of 66 cards with questions helps participants explore each other through their responses, making the interaction engaging and meaningful.

Ngoc Diep, who has previous experience with dating apps and blind dates, is impressed by this approach.

At the event, she was paired with a man two years her senior and working in the IT industry in Hanoi.

She says he was more proactive and outgoing than she expected from someone working in this field. "Initially I thought I could only meet one person, but I interacted with 17 participants at the event. I had meaningful conversations with at least five of them, learning about their childhoods, families, personalities, and even expectations from their future partner."

Having conversations to understand people’s values is also what the 30-year-old girl looks for. Despite running a thriving spa business, Diep often faces her parents' dissatisfaction. "No matter how successful you are, it will not compare to getting married and having children before 35," her mother frequently tells her.

But Diep thinks differently, believing marriage is not a race to achieve KPIs or meet social expectations. "It should be finding someone I love, who shares my values and truly understands me."

Thuy Doanova (L) and Han Lam, the founders of the dating service. Photo provided by Clique83’s founders

The two founders said that they carefully screen participants and strive to create an environment where single people can step out of their comfort zones.

"We encourage not to focus solely on finding a match but to open up to the people they meet since love often begins with friendship," Han explains.

They are surprised by the overwhelming response they have got so much so that, after initially planning only to hold the events in HCMC, the keen interest among northern participants prompted them to expand to Hanoi, where they have held two.

The waiting list has now grown to 4,000 people, and usually involves a wait of three to four weeks for an invitation.

Since its launch two months ago the dating service has connected several couples who are now exploring potential relationships. "Notably, dozens of friendship groups have been formed through our events since people appreciate the chance to meet like-minded individuals," Thuy says.

After three hours at the dating event, Hoang Nam and some of the other participants leave the bar to continue their evening with a second round of socializing in a bustling night food street. "Dating in such an artistic space and meeting interesting new friends are a rare experience for me, and breaks the monotony of a busy, routine life," Nam says.