From marriage to friendship: how couple prioritizes co-parenting after divorce

He joined them on being invited and happily caught up with his son. Duong served food to Hai's bowl, a habit formed during years of marriage. When the dessert came, Hai fed their son and also offered some to her.

Their warm interactions, filled with laughter and care, made it hard to believe that the two had finalized their divorce just two weeks earlier.

Duong and Hai had married in 2019. Their friends praised the couple as a perfect match due to their shared interests in meditation, reading, self-development, and running their own business.

But their financial disagreements led to conflicts. In 2022, after a major argument, they decided to separate to reassess their relationship.

During the Tet (Lunar New Year) holiday that year both struggled emotionally. She skipped meetings with his family during the Lunar New Year out of embarrassment, he sought solace in healing meditation, neglecting even to shave.

Determined to save their marriage, they attended therapy, consulted psychologists, and read books on relationships. They reunited after a year apart and hoped to rebuild their family for their child's sake.

But unresolved issues resurfaced in mid-2024, prompting Hai to propose divorce. Realizing their differences were irreconcilable, she agreed, choosing to part ways before their relationship turned toxic.

Bach Duong and Viet Hai, despite being divorced, spend time playing with their child together as a family after dinner. Photo courtesy of Duong

They decided Duong would raise their child and Hai would provide financial support. She and the child stayed in their home, while Hai moved to a place 15 minutes away.

They agreed to explain the situation to their child when he became older and allow him to choose which parent to live with. Other issues were also settled during the conversation, including their shared assets.

"It took four days to regain my balance," Duong says. "Having tried my best, I feel no regret or sorrow. I want to focus more on planning my future."

After the divorce, the two remain friends. Since both are still single, they meet up as much as possible with their child's happiness and well-being very much a priority.

Whenever Hai wants a home-cooked meal, he visits them for dinner, enjoying the family-like atmosphere.

They also support each other in their professions. Knowing her ex-husband faces issues with his business, Duong is willing to help, and Hai has offered assistance with artificial intelligence in her business.

When Hai's father met with an accident, Duong visited with her son and mother, maintaining decorum and friendship.

In front of others, she and Hai always speak good things about each other. To foster their post-divorce relationship, the two are committed to self-improvement through monthly personal development courses and gratitude journaling.

Duong believes they divorced because they were not suited to be life partners, and that it was no one's fault. "We choose to focus on the good things we brought to each other's lives, which helps us appreciate one another."

Having grown up in a broken family, Hai understands the importance of avoiding conflicts with his ex-wife to protect their child. "Since we will meet often for our child, it is best to maintain a positive and friendly attitude with each other," he says.

Inspired by her experiences, Duong launched a social media series, "100 Days After Divorce," after noticing other women's struggles post-divorce.

Duong sits in a café in Hanoi. Photo provided by interviewee

When she shared ideas for a video series, Hai supported his ex-wife. "I believe divorce is made after much consideration. If she needs any help to make this series happen, I'm more than willing to support her."

Duong's video series has now reached its 20th day. In these videos, she offers advice on maintaining a healthy relationship with an ex-spouse, overcoming crises post-divorce, and encouraging women to be strong, financially independent, and happy, whether married or not.

The posts have received mixed reactions. While some appreciate her efforts, others accuse her of staging the warm interactions with her ex-husband for attention.

Her response is that when both parties understand their roles in the relationship, they can learn to behave appropriately.

Being friends with her ex-husband relieves her from hatred, makes her feel at ease facing him, and, most importantly, ensures a peaceful environment for their child.

She views divorce as just one of many failures in life, something anyone can experience but get over. "Having that mindset, I'm confident that the lessons I have learned from my past marriage will help me avoid making the same mistakes in the future."