My mother-in-law insists we present gold wedding gift to my husband’s cousin for family pride

By Mai Anh   May 5, 2024 | 03:22 pm PT
My husband’s cousin is about to get married, and my mother-in-law has expressed her desire for us to give at least a mace of gold as a wedding present to uphold family “pride.”

My husband has relatively few cousins because neither his father nor his mother has many siblings. Typically, we reserve gold gifts for our biological brothers and sisters, with the amount depending on our financial situation at the time. For cousins, we have a standard practice of giving a fixed sum of VND2 million (US$79) to each. Given this, I found my mother-in-law’s suggestion to give gold unreasonable, but I refrained from commenting at the moment.

I then voiced my concerns to my husband, who merely replied that giving gold as wedding gifts was acceptable since there are not many siblings to consider. Yet, about a month ago, when my younger cousin got married, I queried whether we should also give gold to him, to which my husband suggested we stick to giving money as we usually do.

When I pointed out the inconsistency between how we treated his cousin versus mine, he explained it was due to the fact that I have many cousins and he has few, so giving gold to his cousin was feasible. At that moment, I almost burst into laughter.

It seems my husband and his family presume that since he earns more than I do, it’s justified for us to spend more on his family’s gifts than on mine. Nonetheless, I also contribute to our family’s income with my salary. In addition to this, I manage the household and take care of our children, while my husband’s responsibilities are limited to his job and resting once he’s home. So, who really keeps our home running so that he can concentrate on his career?

Reflecting on this, I’ve come to see myself as an underappreciated high-end maid.

I’m not uncomfortable with purchasing gold as a gift, nor do I mind giving it to my husband’s cousin. However, I do wish for my husband to treat both sides of our family equally.

Is it reasonable for me to think this way?

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