My father threatens to disapprove of our marriage if my girlfriend decides to study abroad

My girlfriend, who is 29 and two years my junior, and I have been in a relationship for four years. I am employed in a stable position, earning VND25 million (US$1,005) per month.

Our family backgrounds are fairly similar. I am an only son, a trait shared with my father and paternal grandfather, while my girlfriend is also an only child.

I hold a university degree in engineering. Over the course of our relationship, my girlfriend has achieved substantial educational success. She has earned a master’s degree in finance, a second degree in the English language, a teaching certificate, an IELTS certification, and is now preparing for her CFA exam. She currently holds a full-time position at a financial company and teaches English during the evenings.

I recognize my girlfriend’s talent, persistence, and ambition. She is also gentle, delicate, and tactful, yet stands firm on many issues. She carries few burdens, either mental or financial, and continues to receive extensive support from her parents. Her protective family background has made her hesitant about marriage. Therefore, despite numerous serious discussions, we have yet to finalize our wedding plans.

Last year, she postponed marriage plans, citing the need to complete her second degree and expressing concerns that marriage and immediate motherhood could interfere with her studies. I agreed with her decision.

This year, she prioritized her CFA preparations over planning a wedding, aiming to avoid distractions and ensure our wedding is planned thoroughly. When I insisted on getting married post-CFA, she raised concerns about my lack of savings and our housing situation, worrying about the increased responsibilities marriage would bring compared to her current living arrangement.

While I can only afford a quarter of a house’s cost, my parents have offered to assist, and I am eligible for a bank loan. However, when I began exploring loan options for a house purchase, my girlfriend revealed her plans to pursue a master’s degree in teaching English abroad within the next two years. She had previously concealed this as her main reason for delaying marriage due to uncertainties about studying abroad. Now, with a promising scholarship opportunity, she is eager to apply.

She asked for my support, proposing that we could engage now and marry upon her return. By then, she would be 31 and I, 33.

Chasing my girlfriend’s plans leaves me exhausted, yet I am determined not to end our relationship. My friends believe my excessive love for her undermines my assertiveness, leading to her dominance over me.

Now, after deep reflection, I am inclined to support her by agreeing to an engagement before she departs for her studies, as I don’t want to obstruct her future. Nevertheless, this decision faces strong opposition from my circle, especially from my father, who believes her ambitious nature and perceived untrustworthiness make her an unsuitable daughter-in-law. He has declared that he will never accept our marriage if she proceeds with her studies abroad.

What should I do now?