Early inheritance split leads to heartache and financial hardship for elderly parent

He split his 500-square-meter plot of land equally between them and opted to live with each in turn to avoid burdening either.

But this decision marked the beginning of a series of tragedies for the elderly man. After moving in with his sons, he was asked to contribute to household expenses, including groceries and electricity.

"Their family has five members, but I'm expected to pay half the expenses," the man from northern Nam Dinh province laments.

While the financial strain was bearable, the emotional toll was less so. The constant tension and veiled remarks by Toi’s son and daughter-in-law left him anxious and feeling like their frustrations were aimed at him.

One summer, when the elder son's family went on vacation, Toi moved to his younger son's house. This sparked off an argument, with the younger son demanding compensation from his brother for "prematurely" sending their father to him.

The latter refused and accused his sibling of being "unfilial," leading to a quarrel between the two. Ashamed by the public fallout, Toi was too embarrassed to step outside for an entire month.

He says with regret: "I was wrong to divide my assets early. I now have nothing left, and my children see me as a burden."

Ngoc Lan and her husband lost their home in Thanh Hoa Province after transferring its title to their son, who has financial troubles. Photo provided by Lan

Diep Nang Binh, chief of Tinh Thong Law Office and an attorney who has handled many lawsuits involving inheritance, says transferring one’s assets to heirs early can cause complications.

Once their assets go to their children, some parents find themselves viewed as dependents in the very home they spent a lifetime building.

"In some cases, parents are even thrown out or abused," Binh says.

Associate Professor Do Minh Cuong, an economist and former lecturer at the Vietnam National University, Hanoi, says distribution of inheritance is often seen as a way to minimize disputes among family members since addressing disagreements at this stage is easier than contesting a will.

But an inheritance often causes people to disrespect what they have been given and squander it away due to a "gift from the heavens" mindset.

Three years ago Ngoc Lan of Thanh Hoa and her husband decided to transfer their house ownership to their only son, who faced financial losses and needed money to restart his business.

Despite objections from relatives and friends, the 64-year-old woman was firm, believing that supporting their son was the right choice.

"When we’re old and bedridden, who will take care of us if not our son?" she reasoned with her husband.

"If we don’t help him now when he needs it most, how can we expect him to care for us later?"

But after getting the house their son mortgaged it to borrow, and instead of focusing on rebuilding his business, he began gambling, hoping to recoup the losses from his previous business failure.

After a year he informed Lan and her husband that he had gone bankrupt and lost everything, including the house, before disappearing without a trace.

With the house seized by creditors, the elderly couple were left destitute and homeless and forced to rely on the goodwill of relatives and neighbors for shelter.

Referring to Lan’s case, Binh advises parents who consider transferring part or all of their assets to establish clear agreements that define their children’s rights and responsibilities.

Parents should at least involve individuals or official agencies to witness, supervise and even intervene if the terms regarding the management or use of the inheritance are violated, he says.

This approach helps prevent potential issues such as children reneging on promises or infringing on their parents' rights and interests, he says. "Instead of dividing their assets while alive, parents should consider drafting a will."

He says the heirs receive their share as set out in the will upon their parents’ death or else the assets are distributed according to legal regulations.

When making a will, parents should not need to reveal its contents to children to avoid unnecessary disputes, he suggests. A will can be amended or revoked at any time before their death.

Concurring, Cuong emphasizes that, regardless of how much they care for their children, parents should preserve a portion of their assets to ensure financial independence in their later years and prepare for mishaps.

Financial support should only be provided to children after parents earmark adequate emergency funds for themselves.

"Ensuring they are not a financial burden on their children in their old age is itself a responsibility of parents," Cuong adds.