Vietnamese parents divided on moving to America to live with children

Readers debate whether elderly parents should move abroad to live with their children or stay in Vietnam.

Reader Tuongvu.zulu shared his mixed feelings after reading another reader's statement on VnExpress: "Why we chose to stay in Vietnam instead of moving to America".

"Like the article's author, I want to stay where I live, though I'm not yet 60. Both of my kids have studied abroad; my eldest has a job and permanent residency, and my younger child is still studying.

My kids want us to stay with them abroad. I'm comfortable with English and even drove around for two months to get my eldest to school, but everything honestly feels overwhelmingly sad. I have a steady passive income in Vietnam and can retire anytime, though I still work a bit for fun. In Vietnam, I can call friends anytime for ping-pong, coffee, or a beer. Who would I reach out to in the U.S.? But unlike the author and his wife, my wife and I aren't as united on this. She keeps saying, 'We'd stay where our kids stay'."

Two old people stand outside a house with the American flag. Illustration photo by Pexels

Reader Rachel Pham offered a perspective from the younger generation: "I'm an engineer, and my wife is a nurse in America. We have a comfortable, stable life, but we decided not to sponsor our parents because Vietnam is where they truly belong. When my dad visited, he struggled to get through even three months. In Vietnam, he has friends and neighbors; here, he was mostly confined to the house, unable to connect with anyone."

Reader Nguyen Tam added insights as a Vietnamese growing up and raising his children in the U.S.:

"Life in developed societies can be isolating, with limited time for socializing. Leisure activities in retirement are often more difficult than they seem. Travel requires time, money, and friends. Tours can feel dull without meaningful connections. Children aren't their parents' property; they have their own lives.

I left home at 19, and has never moved back, though I sometimes lived nearby. Now, my children are grown and also independent. They live six hours away by plane, we stay in regular contact and visit often. Life changes, and each generation shapes its own future. True happiness for us parents is seeing our children spread their wings and thrive."