The cautionary story of my stubborn ex-wife

By Lam   February 12, 2023 | 06:55 pm PT
My wife was quite stubborn. Before we got married, she was polite towards my parents, but not anymore. We don’t even live with my family, but she keeps criticizing them.

At first, my parents were very caring towards my wife, as though she was their own daughter. But once they saw her insult someone on social media, they advised her against it. They were very polite, but my wife got angry and told me that my parents interfere too much with her private life. She had some very harsh words for us and her reaction shocked us all.

I was quite angry at the time. My parents told me to sympathize with my wife because she hadn’t had the opportunity to be educated. My parents told me that they would stop interfering in her private life and told me to be more gentle towards her.

I talk quite gently to my wife and have tried to make her understand that I don’t her relationship with my parents to get worse. However, she still insults me and my family regularly, whether the topic comes up or not. When I sense things are wrong and headed in this direction, I keep silent and consider whether there is anything wrong with the way I communicate with her.

I also try to put myself in her position and sympathize with her. However, every time I try to talk to her, she becomes angry. I try to tell her to be less aggressive, but it does not work. I try to change the strategy and be more assertive, but that doesn’t work either.

Gradually, I’ve realized that she is stubborn by nature and has a big ego. She gets angry as soon as people try to criticize her. When she gets angry, sometimes she insults me. I am not angry at her about such things. I love her and care about her. She has her own good traits: considerate towards other people (she treats her friends well and is loved by them), caring towards her parents, and loyal in love. The only problem is her stubbornness.

I have tried to help in many ways. I’ve bought self-help books for her. When she doesn’t want to read them, I read them for her. I’ve even found and sent her some good videos about real-life situations. I am also very polite and respectful towards her parents. I only wish she would try to understand and try to fix her stubbornness.

And yet no matter what I try to do, it doesn’t work.

Her words and actions make me feel that she does not love me as much as I love her and that she doesn’t seem to respect me either. But when I told her that, she argued and said she respects me a lot. She doesn’t seem to realize that her words, actions and mannerisms don’t reflect that sense of respect.

After a while of enduring stress both at work and at home, I decided to spend a few days rethinking our marriage. I do have my flaws. I’m not good at housework. I still remember that once I did something wrong and she insulted me.

I know that I have a hot temper. However, I do try to apologize and improve. I think that I am still an okay person despite some flaws. I think I am not so bad that I don’t deserve respect from her. I am not an alcoholic. I don’t have affairs.

I came to believe that our marriage was not good for either of us, so I decided to give up on it.

But before ending things, I still tried to help her one last time and told her that if she doesn’t try to be less aggressive, one day I will end the marriage. Yet she didn’t seem to take my words seriously enough. The day I told her to end the marriage, she thought I was joking. When she saw me take my stuff out of the house, she got angry and threatened me. But I had already thought carefully enough about the matter, so I simply said: "I gave you enough chances. You know my personality. I always keep my word"

That’s the whole story. It seems simple, but it’s been very painful for me. I hope things will get better as time goes by. I’m not writing to give anyone advice. I simply want to share my story to help you prepare for your marriage. I hope you are stronger than me, and that you and your wife husband can get along better.

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