I don't know whose side to pick: my parents or my wife’s

By Vinh   February 19, 2023 | 03:27 pm PT
I’m in my 40s and my sister is 50. She got married more than 20 years ago and at first, they rented a place near mine.

My mother then got worried that she and my father would have no one to care for them in their old age, so she asked my sister and her husband to come live with her.

A few years after that, I got married and my wife and I had a baby while living with my parents.

When my child turned one, my wife wanted to move out because our house was too crowded (my sister has 3 kids). My parents-in-law have two daughters, but now they live alone because my sister-in-law has moved out. They agreed to take us in.

Six years ago, after saving enough money, we bought an apartment, which my wife’s parents paid for half of. We’re still renting out that apartment and we use the money to finance our kids’ studies. My parents-in-law love our kids very much and they want us to stay with them.

Recently, my mother inherited a piece of land in her hometown. She planned to sell it to give the money to my sister so she could buy her own house.

My mother then wanted my family to come stay with her, but my wife refused.

My wife argued that because both of our parents are old now (they are all over 80), they need to be taken care of by their own children.

My wife said over the past two decades, my sister has received a lot of help from my mother, so this time it should be her turn to return the favor. At the same time, my wife and I owe her parents a huge favor, so it is our turn to prove our gratitude.

My wife also said that because our houses are only a few kilometers away from each other, we can still go back and forth to help each other if needed. And if we move in with my parents, my wife will be the one in charge of caring for them, cooking for them and doing the household chores.

I’m in a dilemma because I can’t choose between my parents or hers. I don’t really mind either option, I just didn’t expect things to get so complicated.

I look forward to your advice. Thank you very much.

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